I was watching MTV’s The Hills the other night, yeah, I’ll admit it, I was watching The Hills. I started watching the show when Heidi Pratt turned herself into a living Barbie doll. Now as much as it kills me to admit it the new plastic Heidi is smoking hot. However, Heidi suffers from the same problem that Jessica Simpson and many other overly attractive celebs suffer from, specifically that regardless how hot you are, eventually any guy will get to a point where they are tired of looking at you and will actually want to talk to you. That is where these women fail, and fail miserably.
Despite, Heidi plastic pumped body and air pumped head, there is now an even greater reason to watch the show that I once described as helping the terrorist destroy America. We are now watching The Hills for the same reason we continue to watch a number of other shows that we have long since give up on. This reason I have deemed the Crocodile Hunter Factor. You see the Crocodile Hunter was a pretty good show for a while, but after a while we realized it was just like any other animal show. It got really boring, really quick. Regardless of its boring repetitive nature, we still kept watch the Croc Hunter, why you ask? We kept watching it because we knew that if we just kept watched long enough, that one day we would see Steve Irwin die on TV. And he did.
It is this factor that compels us to continue to watch The Deadliest Catch. I mean honestly, all the show really is is Sarah Palin’s Real American throwing and retrieving pots over and over and over again while smoking and hazing the newbie’s. Even the gruff Mike Rowe narrations fail to keep our attentions, but we keep watching. Then why do we still watch? Be honest with yourselves, we are all just sitting around waiting for one of those ship to go down. Deadliest Catch is not the only show that benefit from the Croc Hunter Factor. Let me ask you this question; Why are still watching Ice Road Trucks? Why are still watching Axemen? Why are you still watching Heli-loggers? Or any number of the Hard-work Reality programming.
While The Hills started out as basically a reality show about rich spoiled kids set to a hip sound track, it has not morphed into something else. I sat there watching the show and was witness to the mental breakdown of Spencer Pratt live in front of my eyes on mostly-national cable television. What makes Spencer’s descent into madness even better is that Heidi is holding his hand and aiding him along the way. She has taken the classic battered wife’s position excusing his actions to everyone; tell anyone who will listen that you just don’t understand him and slowly cutting out friends and family until they are alone on their dysfunctional island.
Watching Spencer repeatedly lose it and almost unleash his unearned anger and frustration on anyone who doesn’t completely agree with him takes this show into the Croc Hunter Factor. I will now continue to watch The Hills because I am waiting around to see Spencer go all Ike Turner on Heidi. Seriously and when he does unleash his craziness on Heidi it will be televised on a Very Special The Hills. Let’s just hope he doesn’t hit her in her face, cause that’s how she makes her money.
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Except that Spencer had to leave the show because he threatened a producer, so we might not get to witness (at least, not on the Hills) his inevitable Ike Turner-dom.
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